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MACHETE

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Full Name: Machete
Nationality: Mexican
Organization: None
Occupation Freelance Agent

Creator: Robert Rodriguez
Time Span: 2001 - 2013

ABOUT THE SERIES

       Machete Cortez is a freelance agent.
       That really does not describe him but it is the best I can come up with.
       The problem is there really is two parts to Machete and some of the pieces seems to conflict with others.
       We first meet Machete in the adventure of his niece and nephew, aka the Spy Kids, trying to rescue their parents, their father being the younger brother of Machete. At the time he is busy being a world-class inventor and manufacturer of gadgets used by spy agencies all over the world, including the department his brother worked for, the OSS (see the other series for explanation). Initially he was quite gruff with the young ones because he was on the outs with his brother and had not talked with him for some time. As time goes by, he gets closer to the kids and becomes more of a mentor to them.
       That is the nice Machete, growling and snarling though he is prone to do.
       Then there is the Machete who had worked for many years as a federal policeman in South of the Border. As we are shown in the DEA database entry on him: "Cortez served as a Federale in the Mexico's Federal Judicial Police Department under the supervision of the Secretariate of Public Security. Before his disappearance he served for fourteen years and acquired the rank of first sergeant. Cortez was decorated twice for bravery and received commendations in 1990, 1997, 1999, 2002, and 2004. Although reported as an effective and highly capable officer, Cortez's superiors often noted his disrespect for authority and his unconventionally violent methods he was ... [report snippet ends]".
       That dossier file also mentions that Machete was born in 1944 in Juarez, Mexico and stands 5'11" and weights 210 lbs. Looking at him, some of that weight like reside in his belly but enough of it is solid muscle to allow him to wield with incredible ferocity the weapon that gives him his name. The document also shows that he "is fluent in English and Spanish and is known to speak both languages natively. He has ties to Texas and was known to travel into the US with his family along the Texas/Mexico border".
       Those sounds like two different people but of course there is nothing that says he can not be both.

Intersting lines:

A statement I read mentioned that the activitiy in the two movies strictly about Machete is "what Uncle Machete does when he's not taking care of the kids".

An enemy described Machete as "[He's like] CIA, FBI, DEA all rolled into one mean f****in' burrito."

When it is suggested to him that he send a text to someone on a matter, he succinctly states, "Machete don't text".
When later he mentions needing to send a text and is reminded of his earlier statement, he explains, "Machete improvises".

When offered a new identity and a chance to start over, Machete responds, "Why do I want to be a real person when I'm already a myth?"

MOVIES

Number of Movies:6
First Appearance:2001
Last Appearance:2013

       We first meet Machete as a minor character in the first Spy Kids movie. In the next couple ones that followed immediately after, his role is much bigger and we get a fun look at this gruff but somewhat loveable old curmudeon.
       Then the creator of Spy Kids decided to do something completely different with the character than the PG-rated actions he had so far been involved in. That resulted in the most definitely R-rated two movies bearing his name.
       According to one thing I read, the creator, Robert Rodriguez, considered there were two Machetes, living in different universes. According to the star who played Machete, Danny Trejo, they were the same fellow. Now, who is telling the truth? Likely it would make sense to go with the creator. Considering how bad-ass Trejo/Machete is, though, I would not want to contradict him - ever!


1 Spy Kids Spy Kids
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Writer: Robert Rodriguez
Actors: Alexa PenaVega as Carmen Cortez, Daryl Sabara as Juni Cortez, Antonio Banderas as Gregorio Cortez, Carla Gugino as Indrid Cortez, Danny Trejo as Machete
Released: 2001

Carmen and Juni Cortez are the children of two former, top-notch operatives. Their parents are pulled back into the business and land in trouble and Carmen and Juni, both pretty well trained themselves, must rescue them, aided by their very unusual Uncle Machete.

2 Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Writer: Robert Rodriguez
Actors: Alexa PenaVega as Carmen Cortez, Daryl Sabara as Juni Cortez, Antonio Banderas as Gregorio Cortez, Carla Gugino as Indrid Cortez, Danny Trejo as Machete, Steve Buscemi as Romero
Released: 2002

Carmen and Juni Cortez are on the hunt for a stolen piece of very valuable technology. The trail leads them to the mysterious island of Leeke Leeke, home to an eccentric scientist who had an experiment go bad resulting in his island being filled with mutant monsters.

3 Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Writer: Robert Rodriguez
Actors: Alexa PenaVega as Carmen Cortez, Daryl Sabara as Juni Cortez, Antonio Banderas as Gregorio Cortez, Carla Gugino as Indrid Cortez, Danny Trejo as Machete, Sylvester Stallone as Toymaker
Released: 2003

When Carmen Cortez is caught in a virtual reality game designed by their old nemesis, the Toymaker, it falls to Juni Cortez to save her and then the world.

4 Machete Machete
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Writers: Robert Rodriguez, Álvaro Rodríguez
Actors: Danny Trejo as Machete, Robert De Niro as Senator McLaughlin, Jessica Alba as Sartana, Steven Seagal as Torrez, Cheech Marin as Padre, Don Johnson as Von
Released: 2010

Ex-Federale officer, Machete, is contracted to take out an American Senator. Just as he is about to pull the trigger, he notices armed assailants about to take him out immediately afterwards. Machete does not take kindly to being set up and even less to being shot at. He takes his grievance to the man who originally hired him.

5 Spy Kids 4-D: All The Time In The World Spy Kids 4-D: All The Time In The World
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Writer: Robert Rodriguez
Actors: Alexa PenaVega as Carmen Cortez, Daryl Sabara as Juni Cortez, Jessica Alba as Marissa Wilson, Joel McHale as Wilbur Wilson, Rowan Blanchard as Rebecca Wilson, Danny Trejo as Machete
Released: 2011

Marissa Wilson is a retired spy who is pulled back into service, along with her two stepchildren, Rebecca and Cecil, to fight the dangerous Timekeeper who wants to take over the world.

6 Machete Kills Machete Kills
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Writers: Robert Rodriguez, Marcel Rodriguez, Kyle Ward
Actors: Danny Trejo as Machete, Mel Gibson as Voz, Demian Bichir as Mendez, Amber Heard as Miss San Antonio, Charlie Sheed as Mr. President, Lady Gaga as La Camaleon
Released: 2013

Learning that a major arms dealer is planning on putting a powerful weapon in space, the US government hires Machete to fight his way into Mexico to find and stop the plot.

MY COMMENTS

       In the My Comments for Spy Kids I indicated that I really enjoyed the movies meant for children. I also really enjoyed, in a deep-seated love of B-Movies, the Machete films. The former were light-hearted spoofs of spy movies. The latter were T&A mixed with blood-and-guts in an homage to gritty exploitation movies of a bygone age.
       I would not recommend the two Machete movies unless you are a mixed-up in the head as I am. I loved them. When I read that there might be a 3rd one, Machete Kills - In Space, I grinned. That is how sad I can be.

GRADE

My Grade: B-

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