WILD WILD WEST

Jim West and Artemus Gordon are agents of the U.S. Secret Service.

Officially, the Secret Service, formed in 1865 tasked with ferreting out counterfeiters, is not an intelligence organization but a law enforcement bureau attached to the Treasury Department (since moved to Homeland Security). The missions that West and Gordon are asked to go on, however, go far beyond their official duties.

West was born in the summer of 1842. After attending college, he joined the Union Army during the War Between The States, rising to the rank of Captain. Where he went after the hostilities ended is not known but his love of the West likely made that his destination. Wherever it was, it ended when President Grant specifically made a request for him to return to active duty for a special mission. How Grant knew of West and came to chose him is also a mystery but the young man must have made a lasting impression for the General to think of him nearly a decade later.

Decidedly a man of action, West, while intelligent and logical, is a hands-on kind of operative. Fists-on is more honest. If there were letters handed out in bare-knuckle brawling in college, West earned one. He is also terrific with a long gun and can hold his own in any fast-draw gunfight where being second meant being last. Horse training must also be one of his gifts because he has his incredibly well trained.

And then we come to the most enjoyable aspect of West's skills and that is the ladies. He adores them and his charm, debonair moves, and actual chivalrous attitude towards them, as well as his tremendous good looks, makes him a magnet for the fairer sex. Even when they sometimes feel it necessary to drive a knife in his back, they usually are quite chagrin.

Artemus Gordon is, without a doubt, Jim West's best friend. While some might mistakenly think of him as a sidekick, that thought would never occur to either of them for Gordon was West's equal and partner across the board.

Where he went to school and what he did between college, which someone of his keen intellect and inventiveness surely had to have gone, is a mystery but his creativity is renown and the small odds and ends and clever trinkets that he created have saved both their lives many times.

Gordon does not shirk a melee if it comes around but his is a subtler skill. Disguise and mimicry is second nature to him and he routinely fools his way into a villain's lair snooping out tidbits to help find a way to bring the miscreant down. His fighting and shooting skills are not at the level of West but that does not mean he is without ability as many henchmen has found out the fatal way.

For nearly a decade, these two adventurers will travel the width and breadth of America, both in states and territories, using as their road the rail system and as their vehicle the train dubbed the Wanderor. Comprised of an engine with coal bin, a long train car which houses their horses, supplies, and probably an exercise area, and the main car which has the living area for the two men.

They will face more than their share of criminals but their specialty is the bizarre, the outrageous, and the maniacal. Mad scientists, despots, warlords, power-hungry politicians, embittered generals, and so on all tried their hand at mischief and West and Gordon would be there to stop them.

And then find time to charm the ladies.

Oh, how I loved the Wild, Wild West. I never missed an episode and in those years of no VCR and so many episodes each year not all could be re-run, that meant planning. Now, I never pretended I was Jim West, but I wished I could have been. And I did take a car trip with a friend from Rapid City, SD to Cheyenne, WY to attend the Frontier Days rodeo because I had heard Robert Conrad was putting on a show in the corral during intermission.

What a show it was! He rode out on his magnificent horse and did a lot of fun tricks (other stunt riders did even more thrilling acts) and he had a very loud and exciting gun battle with several bad guys ending up with a good melee. Then he walked along the railing and shook hands with all the young people who were mesmerized by him. I was one - maybe a tad older than the majority of 10 year olds but I did not care.

So I was a huge fan of the show. I was overseas in the military when the two reunion movies came out although I watched them when I got back. I was not as big a fan of them but still I was glad I saw them.

The books were less welcome. The first was a rehash and not that terrific a one. The other three were disappointments as well.

Perhaps they were setting me up for the biggest let down of all, the horrible, incredibly insulting movie with Will Smith and Kevin Kline, both of whom I loved and respected, and the terrific Salma Hayek who is, well, terrific. Let's take a concept of two awesome characters, bosom bodies from way back, and make them first not know each other and then not like each other. Stupid! I read Barry Sonnenfeld once said he did not want to make "just another episode." He succeeded by making a travesty. You probably sense I was not happy with it.

Luckily for the world, the original episodes are available on DVD and I have them and I have returned to those days more than once. If you can and you want a great time, you should do so, too.